we are at gitmo.  Me the Romanian - beiltan - and ruko.  Haven’t seen a lawyer in three mths.  They flushed my Koran down the shitter.  The food here sucks!!!   Shit…here comes the guard and that fuckin dog.  tell my mother i love her.

D.N.

The Angry Romanian Crew will return. Meanwhile enjoy a couple videos.

There are a lot of nasty things that you will find in a person’s bathroom. I don’t need to go into detail here…you probably all have at least one thing in your bathroom that would make your mothers upset. My apartment bathroom is no exception. It’s not everyday though that I find something that grosses me right the fuck out. In college I lived on an all male dorm; the things I have seen in a group bathroom would make Mother Teresa nauseous. That being said, I yesterday found a toothbrush lying right next to my Irish Spring bar soap in the shower. I use my soap to wash all the parts of my body. If one of my roommates wanted my balls in their mouth, I could have teabaged their ass and skipped the middle man completely. On the flip side, I don’t want somebody else’s saliva to be transferred to other parts of my body. It is goddamn nasty.

If that wasn’t disgusting enough, I today found a dildo in my shower. It was nestled all inconspicuous like right next to the shampoo and body wash almost like it belonged there. I didn’t even notice it was there until I was nearly done showering. So I know you are thinking “so what. It is a dildo.” right? Well, a disturbing fact is that there are four people living in this house, and not a single one of them is female.

CLICK HERE FOR DILDO

That picture is not setup in anyway, but sits exactly as I discovered it. The burning question in my mind is, who’s ass has it been in? It isn’t the first time that this kind of thing has happened; one roommate thought it would be funny to sculpt my soap into the shape of a penis. Why? Well, he is obviously a flaming homo in denial. What he doesn’t know is what I did to his body wash.

CLICK HERE FOR PENIS SOAP

A reoccurring theme? Most definitely. I guess the old saying is true: All the soap in the world won’t wash the gay away.

Introducing the best pitcher in the world - Johan Santana.

The Mets held a press conference today to officially introduce Santana to the press and their fans. That hat sure looks good on him.

Yankee Fans - Feel free to stop by Shea Stadium some time this year to check out an upper echelon pitcher who isn’t under the scrutiny of the United States Congress.

While there seems to be a lack of good quality political humor videos. Fortunately we found one. It’s a little old but priceless none the less:

welcome to another edition of Assignment Boris, a weekly look at the top five assholes in the news who deserve to be punched in the face by Boris. In case you don’t know who Boris is click here. If you run across a news story you think warrants Boris’ attention please submit the link through our contact link. Have a good week and don’t do anything that might get Boris on your ass.

5. Al Zimmerman -

(From Fox News) TAMPA, Fla. - A Department of Children & Families press secretary who was arrested on suspicion of enlisting children to make pornography could face more charges, police said Saturday…

Maybe Al figured working for an agency that protects children is similar to working for a restaurant. If you work for Applebee’s, for instance, it is prudent to take advantage of your discount by eating there often. Apparently Mr. Zimmerman decided that working at the Department of Children & Families entitled him to have dinner at Applebee’s and enjoy some of his clients for desert. Don’t get too carried away Boris, leave some for the boys at the state pen.

4 and 3. Two stupid cops -

(From Fox News) BUFORD, Ga. - Two off-duty officers from different police departments wounded each other in a gun fight in the middle of a road in an Atlanta suburb, authorities said…

Glad you boys are playing cowboys and Indians while some scumbag is breaking into my car or home. Boris is on his way to pistol whip you retards into next week and then hopefully the judge sentences them to be lynched - I’m pretty sure that sort of thing is still legal in Georgia.

2. Sister Norma Giannini -

(From wisn.com) MILWAUKEE — A Roman Catholic nun who pleaded no contest to sexually abusing two Milwaukee boys years ago will spend a year in jail. A judge sentenced Sister Norma Giannini, 79, to one year in jail and nine more years on probation She has 60 days to report to the House of Correction in Milwaukee County.

I bet if I abused two boys I would get a bit more time than a year in the joint. I don’t care how old she is or what she does for a living. Let her rot and die in jail. Her faith allows her to confess her sin and repeat a prayer a few times for salvation, but that won’t save her from Boris’s Holy fists of rage.

1. Martin Lewis -

(From CNN.com) WASHINGTON (AP) — The Beatles are about to become radio stars in a whole new way. NASA on Monday will broadcast the Beatles’ song “Across the Universe” across the galaxy to Polaris, the North Star. The idea came from Martin Lewis, a Los Angeles-based Beatles historian…

I think I prefer the idea of nuns touching little boys, or cops shooting at each other in the streets, or even government officials using their authority to take advantage of small children, than fucking NASA spending tax dollars to beam fucking Beatles songs to the fucking north fucking star. And the President is worried about earmarks!! Boris, how about you sharpen an old Beatles LP to a razor’s edge and slice and dice some common sense into Mr. Lewis.

We, the editors of Angry Romanian, are horrified by the actions of our former friend at Angry Chinese Driver. Recently that twisted asshole found it necessary to release the personal information of a woman who was involved in an automobile accident with his mother. He irresponsibly posted this poor woman’s sensitive information on his website. How dare he subject Ms. Jing Ye, who lives at 174 Stave Cres., Richmond Hill, Ontario, L4C 0S8, phone number (905)237-4888, driver’s license number Y2001 40207 45729, who drives a 2002 beige Honda Civic LX 4-door, license plate ANSP 868, insured by Unifund Assurance Johnson Inc. under policy number A087AB0428 to such indignities.

Please join us in boycotting Angry Chinese Driver for abusing Ms. Jing Ye who lives at 174 Stave Cres., Richmond Hill, Ontario, L4C 0S8, phone number (905)237-4888, driver’s license number Y2001 40207 45729, who drives a 2002 beige Honda Civic LX 4-door, license plate ANSP 868, insured by Unifund Assurance Johnson Inc. under policy number A087AB0428.

Damn you Angry Chinese Driver. Damn you.

Anyone who would like to send words of support to Ms. Jing Ye are encouraged to phone (905)237-4888, or if you’d like to send a sympathy card please forward it to 174 Stave Cres., Richmond Hill, Ontario, L4C 0S8.

If you are still in doubt as to how truly disgusting the article by Angry Chinese Driver is, hold your nose and click here.

Additionally, I hereby deem it acceptable to add Angry Chinese Driver to your Celebrity Death Pool lists. Karma is a bitch my Canadian friend.

No, we are not talking about the Mets 162nd game last year or the 1980 Olympic hockey gold medal game (the Americans cheated). The only thing worse than an old man trying to pick up an attractive young college girl at the bar is imagining that old man standing in his closet while his wife sleeps, wacking off to the idea of meeting her at the local Motel 6. One can only picture “Mark” desperately tearing through the phone book looking for a girl for whom he only had a name. Luckily we caught this uncomfortable phone conversation on tape. Here’s to you Mark, hope cancer catches up with you soon.

Listen Now:

 

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I’ve been a member of Ebay since 2000. After recently cleaning through boxes of old stuff, I began to sell off the contents of boxes of shit with no sentimental or personal value. Some of the smaller stuff is actually fetching good prices, while fewer items sell far short of what I had expected. Either way, it is nice to supplement my income. I definitely need that extra income too…student loans and crack rocks get expensive.

Upon closer inspection I realized that my selling endeavors with Ebay weren’t exactly as lucrative as I thought. A breakdown of the listing insertion fees, final value fees, extra fees, and other unexplained fees were costing me a hefty portion of what I was actually netting. To make matters worse, Ebay owned Paypal then takes an additional 3% off of the top of all Ebay payments (deducted from the seller, not the buyer). When all was said and done, I was getting the proverbial dick, balls deep from the Ebay empire every time I sold something.

*I now realize that the term “balls deep” may not make sense to you. In a previous post I used the term “balls deep” and received 2 emails asking what the term meant. No joke. So, allow me to explain. Imagine that you have a phallus shaped sword. The hilt of this sword is shaped like a set of testicles. Now, if you were to plunge this sword into a person all the way to the gonad shaped hilt, it would be “balls deep”. I know that is a little elaborate, but the volume of “virgin” readers here at AngryRomanian don’t seem to have a grasp on the physics of sexual intercourse yet. I would say “don’t worry…you aren’t missing anything” but that would be a completely dishonest statement. Anyways, back to my point.

I rejoiced yesterday when I discovered that Ebay has decided it prudent to lower insertion fees for sellers. Additionally, Ebay has now dropped fees from certain things like gallery listings. Unfortunately, Ebay stills bans the sale of Laotian slaves. But you can purchase entire porn companies. Wish I had $100K.

So what did I do then? I did exactly what they wanted me to do. I put up some auctions. What can I say…I am a consumer whore (and how!) falling for every disguised shit sandwich that Ebay shovels down my throat.

Obedience is delicious.

Usually this space is reserved for the responses, by the staff of Angry Romanian, to readers who correspond with the site. However, this week is dedicated to K8sFreeFall, who has done a spectacular job responding to comments from readers who really ought to be thinned from the herd we call humanity. I hereby bestow on you, K8sFreeFall, the title of Official Destroyer of Stupid Fucks who Leave Retarded Comments. Here are some of comments we received this week and the responses from the editors of the site as well as the new ODSFLRC. Enjoy - and mad props to K8. —————————————————————————– TaxExemPt wrote (in response to Driving Is Expensive)…It seems to me that if possesing marijuana is a $50 fine and 8 hours of community service, then the fine for folloing to closely should be proportionate to the danger posed to society by the act. Following too closely can injure or KILL someone. An 18 year old carrying around some harmless plant can not. Since the marijuana possesser is little or no harm to society and the close follower can kill people, with the $50 and 8 hours as the punishment for marijuana, the punishment for following to closely should be at least $20,000 with a year of community service. K8sFreeFall responded…Dear TaxExemPt, On behalf of everyone reading your comment: Go Fuck Yourself. TaxExemPt wrote (again)… Dear Kate’s in Free Fall, What wonderful reasoning and logic you hold. Hopefully by the time you are 18 you will hit the ground. K8sFreeFall responded (again)…Dear TaxExemPt, Have you not seen the “Just say no” advertising campaign?!? While under the influence of “some harmless plant” (and thus in possession of said harmless plant), one might fall asleep while babysitting and a small child will inevitably drown. In Ruko’s “following too closely” case, however, no small children died. Thus, I conclude: Go Fuck Yourself. How is that for logic? I anxiously anticipate your next critique of my reasoning skills. Ruko the Wonder Dog responded…Taxexempt-I think you are missing the point. The following too closely ticket is given whenever there is a rear end collision, regardless of the reason for the accident. I was in fact thrown into the car in front of me due to the collision in my rear. While somebody could have been hurt, they were not, and I still received a fine significantly higher than the minimum. The 18 year old man was caught with possession in his vehicle, and it was unclear whether he was high at the time or not (the officer used the terms “showing no signs of ability impaired” and “inconclusive evidence to suggest intoxication”). Being that you seem familiar with marijuana taxexempt, I need not explain how THC can often show no signs of intoxication and hence be very difficult to prove by a simple roadside sobriety test. As k8sfreefall said, THC found in marijuana does in fact slow motor skills, inhibits perception, and slows reaction time, all very similar to alcohol in moderate doses. If this young man was indeed operating a vehicle, the dangers posed by him far outweighed my fender bender. That is beside the point, but I feel it necessary to address it seeing as how you have brought it up. Laws in this country are not solely created based on “the danger posed to society”. Most laws are based around reasons other than criminal. You can’t walk around naked in public. You can’t steal towels from a hotel. You cannot break monetary contracts. You are not allowed to blast your music at 100 decibels at 3 AM within city limits. It is illegal to possess marijuana or any other illegal drug. These are all laws that exist, and there is a good reason for each one of them. And guess what? None of them revolve around the “the danger posed to society by the act” as you so eloquently wrote. The bottom line here, Mr. taxexempt, is that this guy intentionally broke a state law. I also broke a law. I broke it unintentionally and arguably uncontrollably. The judge knew this, and threw “intent” out of the legal window. When “intent” is removed from our legal system, we are in serious fucking trouble. I hope you get my point. ——————– Jerry wrote (in comment to The Cheesecake Fuckery )…Well, how about that, Mr. Malcontent owns a computer and knows how to publish his super critical ramblings to the inter-tubes. One day when you get out and about in the real world, you’ll realize that most chain food doesn’t taste like home cooked, parking lots aren’t an amusement park ride and that a long menu isn’t a negative but a positive. Of course since momma probably never gave you a meal choice other than macaroni and cheese, any option other than shutup and eat likely causes great anxiety for your little mind. Rob replied…Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. From where I sit it appears you are the super critical, inter-tubes rambler. First, the last time I checked this is a blog, which is a place to post your personal opinions and experiences. No one forced you to come here. If you don’t like what we have to say - take a hike. Second, I really don’t see anything in the story that suggests chain restaurants resemble home cooking. The underlying premise seems to be that The Cheesecake Factory, and by extension all chains, suck. Third, parking lots may not be amusement park rides but if they were I bet you would be too short to get on. And finally, your momma was never one for meal choice either. It was either her box or her ass, and I sure wish they had smelled like mac and cheese. K8sFreeFall responded…Jerry no doubt enlisted the help of a calculater to get past “spam protection” when leaving his comment. Given his interrpretation of the post, I feel as though I should break my insult down: Dear Jerry, you’re a dumbass. ——————————————————————————————————– See you next week, and keep up the good work K8sFreeFall. D.N.