Angry Romanian

I ride with my window down year round so I can give the finger to a fellow motorist if I deem necessary. In NY, I deem this necessary about every 10 minutes if I am in my car. The reasons? Mostly, they are turn signal related. Aside from motorists being guilty of general douchebaggery while behind the wheel, people in NY don’t use turn signals correctly, and it really fucking pisses me off.

A turning signal is a common courtesy to both drivers and pedestrians. It says “Hey guy! I’m making a turn in the direction of my signal, so please take caution good sir!” Misusing the turn signal is on the same level of disrespect as pissing on the grave of your entire dead family. It is in effect saying “I don’t give a shit about anyone else on the road”, and most cops in the United States won’t be bothered to issue a ticket for a directional infraction. In Japan, directional infraction carries the same punishment as public urination, and updated signaling laws have reduced overall accidents by 87% (according to US DOT. it’s on their website). When Asian drivers get in less accidents than we do, we have a big fucking problem.

Several years ago I developed a mental list of things that would designate whether a motorist was an asshole or not. Points were added to a driver’s tally for doing things such as sleeping at a stop light, speed infractions, bright headlights, unnecessary passing, etc. Once the motorist reached 10 points, I would go out of my way to ensure that said driver knew I was pissed off, honoring him/her with my clenched fist, middle finger pointing to the heavens. Below are listed the turning signal asshole designators and the asshole points award for each.

Not Using a Turn Signal – This is the blanket category for the lack of turning signal usage. Most of these people are completely aware that they are not using a turn signal and don’t give a shit that you are waiting for them to pass at the intersection they are turning into. This instantly warrants a mighty “fuck you”, so be sure to award these pricks with a honk and a bird.

Asshole Points Awarded: 14 out of 10

Turn Signal Too Late – These motherfuckers put their turn signal on as they are already turning or after they have completed the turn, thus negating the purpose of the signal all together.

Asshole Points Awarded: 8 out of 10

The Lane Change Game – This occurs when 2 traffic lanes are involved. You put a turn signal on to turn into the other lane and the vehicle in front just kind of merges into it without signaling, cutting you off. This is usually played by “Fuckface in giant SUV” or “Businessman on cell phone in exceedingly expensive sports car”.

Asshole Points Awarded: 8 out of 10

Turn Signal on for 6 Miles – Little explanation needed here…the driver of the vehicle in front of you is completely oblivious to the fact that his/her turn signal has been on for the better part of an hour. A favorite with 80 + year old drivers.

Asshole Points Awarded: 7 out of 10

Turn Signal at Every Road – One of my personal favorites; these people are obviously lost and use their directional at every intersection, street, and driveway without actually making a turn at all. A bonus is that they are usually driving 20 mph under the speed limit.

Asshole Points Awarded: 11 out of 10

Turn Signal in Opposite Direction – The lowest of life forms on this Earth, these shitheads put on a turn signal and then turn the opposite way. Anybody that doesn’t know the difference between right and left should be executed Stalin style. “We need to take your picture against this wall, so please just stand there for a sec. thx!”

Asshole Points Awarded: 2^45 out of 10

Make sure to study these carefully, and boldly display that middle finger when needed. Until legislation allows us to remove vehicles from the road with an RPG, the finger will have to do.

XOXOXOXO-