Angry Romanian

As an avid South Park viewer, I found it amusing when reality mirrored a joke from one of my favorite episodes. In the episode featuring Paris Hilton, all the girls of South Park became obsessed with the air-headed celebutant. A toy was then advertised parodying the infamous adult feature “1 Night in Paris.” The toy, “Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Play Set” included a video camera, “night vision filter, fake money, losable cell phone, and 16 hits of ecstasy!”

Recently a toy called Aqua Dots was recalled for its interesting side effect of turning into the date rape drug when ingested. Aqua Dots are a craft product that has these beads that stick together when sprayed with water. The coating that makes the beads stick together, when swallowed in large quantities, can cause a child to go unconscious, develop respiratory depression, have seizures, and in extreme cases die. Spinmaster, the company that makes Aqua Dots, should take a cue from South Park and re-market its product. So you ask, “How can they re-market this horrible product?”

Simple!!!
Introducing – “Horny Frat Boy Date Rape Party Play Set!”. Be just like a real frat boy! Play set includes a Greek letter T-shirt, a quarter keg of Genny Light, funnel, and 500 Aqua Dot roofies! There is a huge market for kids to live out there frat boy fantasies. If Spinmaster only thought about the misogynistic teenage boy demographic they could bounce back from this recall relatively unscathed.
In all seriousness, how does a product with this kind of side effect make it to market! OK, so you have a toy that looks like candy. Do you…

A. Test the beads to make sure they are safe if eaten
or
B. Fuck it, what kind of retarded child would eat a bunch of beads? And if the little mongoloid does, they deserve what happens to them.

I am kind of disturbed that B. is the approach a major toy manufacturer chose to take. It would only be fitting if the children of Spinmaster management ate some Aqua dots, or even better if their teenage daughters made their own version of “1 Night in Paris”.

I say – enough with these fancy artsy fartsy toys. Give the rug rats a cardboard box and a BB gun. The box will fulfill all of their daily imagination requirements and the BB gun will help weed out the children of stupid parents.

-Jesse