Our justice system in this country is FUCKED. I use caps to emphasize the level of fuckedupness in which the United States legal system exists.
I was involved in a low speed 5 car pile up about a year ago. The 90 year old woman that caused the accident mistook the air in front of her car for a deer, and locked up her brakes to avoid hitting it. The 90 year old woman drove off after realizing that the air deer had vanished into mid air. She did not realize that the 5 cars following her for the better part of 4 miles had slammed into one another as a result of her brake check.
As everyone outside examined their cars for damage, I realized that my 1988 Pontiac 6000 had left a 3 inch black smudge on the rear bumper of the car in front of me. The other cars drove away, but Mrs. OMFG MY NEW CAR quickly called the cops to the scene. As required by law I was given a “Following Too Closely” ticket and we went our separate ways.
In the courtroom, the case before mine involved an 18 year old man that had been charged with one count of “Possession of Marijuana”. He pled guilty. The judge, a miserable ugly bastard, sentenced him to 8 hours of community service and a $50 dollar fine. With consequences like that, I am sure he will never do it again. He even asked the judge if he could have his smoking “paraphernalia” back. At this point I was in good spirits, thinking that if a kid arrested for smoking the reefer got off easy, mine might get dropped altogether.
I was really fucking wrong. I explained how the accident occurred to the judge, explained that 4 other cars were involved, and that the black smudge on the woman’s car cost my insurance company $70 to fix. The judge then shocked me with the words that came out of his yellowed, fat lips. “Mr. XXXXXXX, the maximum fee for this offence is $300, but I am only going to charge you $225. Additionally, the court fee is $75. You can pay the woman to your right”.
Arguing with a judge is a bad idea. Arguing with a miserable Irish judge is even worse. I asked how a man guilty of an illegal drug received the fine he did, and my unavoidable accident cost me 3 points on my license, a 15% rise in my car insurance, and $300 court fine. I even declared the law faulty. The stupid Mic bastard judge didn’t really see things my way. He was quickly angered, and increased my fee to the maximum. A nice police officer then escorted me out of the courtroom.
Call me a weirdo, but in what world is this kind of shit right? It doesn’t matter what drug it was. He intentionally broke the law. My accidental bumper kiss carried a pretty serious monetary impact for me, yet Mr. Pothead’s replacement bag and a new piece was less than half of what I spent in court fees.
So what’s the moral of the story? Don’t drive. Smoke weed instead. It isn’t as expensive if you get caught.
For those of you who live under rocks and such, Heath Ledger passed away on January 22, 2008.
Terrell Owens has always been a little bitch. He has always failed to show up in the big games and he has always found others to blame. But last Sunday set a pathetic new low for the Dallas wide receiver. Owens was brought to tears when asked if quarterback Tony Romo may have been distracted by Jessica Simpson’s enormous rack. Owens lip quivered, his voice shook and the tears all but came drizzling from the edges of his ridiculous oversized shades. “That’s my quarterback,” he choked out several times.
I drive a 1993 Civic Hatchback. It wasn’t my first choice; I needed a car and this was available. My previous truck violated nearly all of the DOT rules and tended to really piss off the local law enforcement. I like to stay out of the eyes of law enforcement…the Meth lab in my basement is now netting me a hefty profit and I don’t need any ociffers fucking that up.
I am not a master of the English language. Not by a long shot. I can speak eloquently when needed, my vocabulary exceeds that of the average college graduate, and I can usually convey my point on paper. I know that in itself isn’t impressive; it does separate me from many of you. Your comments and hate mail are often so unintelligible that I consult my 2 year old nephew to help make sense of them. I am not speaking of just deplorable grammar either…the butchering of the English language includes poor syntax and inexcusable spelling mistakes. Have you ever heard of spell check? Thesaurus? A dictionary? Fuck, I don’t care, next time your mother is wiping your ass, ask her to proofread the comment you are about to post. I don’t understand how many of you function in society. Hurray for the 
Greetings all, I hope you are having a better Saturday than I am. I woke up this morning free and clear of any responsibilities. No work, no pressing errands, and no Angry Romanian related deadlines or duties. Not a worry in the world. Until, that is, Time Warner ruined my day.
What is the worst thing about NY? Well, that is a tricky question. To help illustrate why this is such a difficult question, here is a simple scenario.
If I was carrying a firearm today you would have heard about me on the national news tonight. I like to think of myself as a laid back, non aggressive sort. Kind of the yin to Ruko’s yang. But today I had a David Banner moment. Only a few things really push me over the edge. I’m not a grammar freak. I don’t road rage all that often. I don’t even mix it up that much with my wife. (Probably because I know I’d lose) But today I totally lost it.