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To all of you who chew with your mouth open….

Posted by Bieltan on December 29, 2007
Posted in: Stories. Tagged: , , . 3 comments

Not many things in this world bug me. I’ll easily get over some dumb ass who cuts me off in traffic while giving me the finger. “Who? Me?” Why do I deserve such disrespect while driving? If I had the chance I would probably beat them to death with their own shoe. But I’m in my car, out of “grabbing your shoe” range. Not even the cynical skinny fucks behind their CRT monitors, who enjoy pissin’ on everyone’s parade, bug me that much. The fact that they haven’t gotten laid in the better part of a decade keeps me warm at night, and makes it unnecessary to hunt them down where they live.
But back to my point, the one thing I cannot stand. The one thing that, if I were subjected to it enough, I would be tempted to kill over. This ignorant act is called “eating with your mouth open”. Consider this, we live in a day and age where we don’t even have to leave the house to get porn 24/7. We can have fine dining delivered so “Stepford Wives” never have to cook again. It’s safe to say we are no longer in the friggin’ stone age. So riddle me this Batman, why the hell do some people still have to chew with their mouths open? It’s disgusting and repulsive. You sit their slopping around like a cow eating its own cud, ignoring the fact that you are and ignorant fuck who can’t take the time to close your mouth.

This story spawned from a recent outing I had at a quiet restaurant. It wasn’t very busy at the time, but I was seated next to a well dressed business man. As I sat down he was just receiving his food. For the next 10 minutes this ignorant fuck out chewed the noisy highway that passed right by the restaurant. Now as many of you can figure out I am a reserved and mild mannered man… since I was in public I held my tongue. But when I received my food, even the waitress noticed the fire in my eyes. Finally, I turned to the man, and as politely as possible told him to “CHEW WITH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT”. He was of course speechless, wondering if the comment was for him and why. I smiled at him, and began to eat the rest of my food. He proceeded to ask for the check and give me the finger. Again I smiled back. A small victory against the ignorant swine out there who chew with their mouths open.

When reflecting back on the entire incident I think “did I over react?” I’ve pondered over this for quite some time. I’ve come to the conclusion of no. Because people who chew with their mouths open are the root of all evil. They are the kid in high school who would cheat on the test, but somehow get caught and have you get a 0 on the test because he was copying off you. These people invented the cat algorithm, AND are responsible for the Kennedy assassination. They must be stopped. Join me in my quest to humiliate and destroy all those who chew with their mouths open…

How to disassemble a PS3 – Circuit City style

Posted by Bieltan on December 15, 2007
Posted in: Photos, Technology. Tagged: , , , , , , . 6 comments

The following is a tutorial on the official Circuit City procedure for removing stuck Blu-ray disks from a PS3. Pay attention. You will be tested on this later.

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Tools you’ll need:

(1) Over sized flat head screw driver

(1) Phillips head screw driver (for those pesky small screws)

(1) Hammer

(1) Large pair of pliers

First step: Removing the Cover

Remove any pads covering screws and torque screws. Now remove all screws. You have to get all those little sucker out, so press hard. This will almost undoubtedly strip the torque screws, but don’t give up, you’ll get them eventually. If all else fails, break the plastic. Once you remove the cover it should look like this:

Step 2: Removing Blu-Ray Drive from PS3

Anything that is bolted/screwed/latched requires the combination of the flat head screwdriver and hammer. Chisel away until these mild annoyances are solved. Feel free to strike the screwdriver as hard as is needed to break off those stubborn little clips and screws. Once you have successfully removed the Blu-ray drive, rejoice, you are only moments away from achieving your goal.

3: Removing Blu-Ray disc

By now your Blu-Ray drive is in your hand. Feel the power of having a $1000 unit at your mercy. Bask in your superior technical prowess for a moment….

(you should be basking)

Now take pliers out and remove metal enclosure. Make sure you bend the metal back and forth to achieve maximum damage to the enclosure, this allows you to eventually remove the Blu-Ray disc later on. Take notice of the careful bending of the metal below:

Once the metal is neatly bent back, grab the flat head screw driver again and begin breaking more plastic. Don’t worry you can put it all back together afterwards.

Once you have broken enough plastic and electronic parts, the Blu-ray disk should reveal itself . Keep digging and breaking until you get can get a firm grasp of it. Once the disk is in your hand, hold it up high, You have now successfully rescued an overpriced disk from an overpriced console. Now for the final step, use the hammer and a bit of glue to put that pile of shit back together. Great Job!!

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We hope this tutorial has served as a successful tool in making an already damaged system “better”. So, follow each step carefully and your glorified neogeo will be right as rain.

Angry Romanian is not responsible for any damaged goods. This tutorial is a guide and to be used at your own dumbass risk.

Top 10 Greatest PC Games of All Time

Posted by Bieltan on December 14, 2007
Posted in: Games. Tagged: , , , . 1 comment

Welcome to the Top 10 Greatest PC Games of All Time. Notice the title says nothing like “our top ten”, or “what are possibly the top 10″. No, this post provides nothing but pure, unadulterated facts. These ARE the Top 10 Greatest PC Games of All Time. If you believe otherwise, please send your name and address and we will send over Boris to “talk” about your opinion.

First, what went in to the making of this list of facts:

  • 57 hours of arguing
  • 35 pots of coffee (1 cleaning of the coffee maker after Bieltan urinated in it because of an argument over “Peas in Africa”)
  • 1,475 “Yo momma” jokes
  • 576 references to gay sex
  • Hour long discussion about how MYST is the dumbest game ever
  • 3 fist fights (Ruko won each fight, but Bieltan still managed to give him the finger)
  • Ruko came out of the closet
  • 12 off topic discussions revolving around the use of a stick and angry bees
  • 3 separate viewings of the movie “Hackers”
  • 7 hours comparing the percentage of teenage male CS:S fans to the incidence of homosexuality amongst teenage males (Surprisingly high)

So after all that bull we came up with the Top 10 Greatest PC Games of All Time:

Continue Reading

Proper uses of the Confederate Flag

Posted by Bieltan on December 1, 2007
Posted in: Culture. Tagged: , . Leave a Comment

A couple of years ago our great nation had a pissin’ match over niggas working for free. After the south endured a good ass wuppin’, the use of their defeated flag was confined to rednecks who still believe one day the south would somehow retake their God given right to own blacks…oh excuse me, niggas…and enjoy being rednecks in their big trailer park down in the deep south, separated from people who enjoy an education.

Nowadays these mullet wearin’ rednecks can be found everywhere throughout America. Most proudly display their “heritage” by flying a Confederate flag at there house, or in the back window of their busted truck. Their owners make sure to keep to a certain code. This code requires either:

(A) A run down trailer with random QVC products thrown all over the 10 square foot lawn. The flag is proudly displayed on their $1.49 Wal-Mart special flag pole.

(B) Double wide trailer with 2 broken down cars in the driveway. Again flown on a flag pole but this time not on special at Wal-Mart so they were forced to steal pvc pipe from their neighbor.

(C) Busted 67′ Ford truck with enough rust to question if it even has a body, gun rack with no less then 4 guns displayed, and a deer carcus strapped to the front. The flag is displayed nicely in the rear window with the guns.

These examples are of course subject to slight variations to suite the need of the individual redneck.

However, I recently witnessed a clear violation of this code. I happen to be driving down a local highway in my little Japanese made car, enjoying a Monday afternoon, when I looked to my right and saw a Pontiac Sunfire (the poor white suburban chick’s “quick” car). Normally I would disregard this piece of shit, but I noticed a Confederate Flag…..STICKERED on the back bumper. Lets review the facts. This dumbass is displaying his redneck views via a 4 x 6 sticker. Now any of the above three examples are like bug spray to blacks. They scream “If you are seen near this area, you might get lynched because we hate blacks and we don’t know why!!”.

I seriously hope this dumb mother fucker is driving through a rough neighborhood and totally gets lit up by “stray” gun fire from every directions. If your gonna tell everyone “I’m an ignorant mother fucker” do it properly. Have some respect for mullets and trailer parks. Think of it this way, would you rather be caught and beaten to death in your Pontiac Sunfire which totally screams I’m gay and don’t know it yet, or in your poster child redneck busted to shit truck that totally screams I’m proud to be a ignorant mother fucker?

Make a choice.

Allergy Season…aka Time to make money.

Posted by Bieltan on November 10, 2007
Posted in: Consumerism. Tagged: , . 4 comments

I have gone my entire life without allergies. Now that I’m in my mid twenties, nature deemed it fit to bless me with allergies. I enjoyed three weeks of hell during late August, which left me almost for dead, it was so bad. Now that it’s early November some other pollen from hell is tearing me a new asshole to try to breath through, but oh no it clogs that hole up too with phlegm and shit! As I sit here writing this I am sneezing so much my keyboard is sticky…well not all that is from sneezing…

Now my point is the pharmaceutical industry. I managed to try every kind of over the counter allergy medication at least once. Now not one, I repeat NOT ONE has worked at all. Not even to stop a runny nose for 20 minutes. These money grubbing mother fuckers charge me $12.99 for a placebo that doesn’t even trick my body into thinking it works. You’d think that in a multi-billion dollar industry, at least someone would come up with something to kick this piece of shit “sickness” in the sack. But oh wait, I think I just answered my question. It’s a “multi-billion dollar industry”…why make a cure and end the cash cow that fills the pockets of thousands of millionaires around the globe.

So thank you, thank you for sticking a rod up each and every consumer’s ass and prancing us around like dolls as you take what you want from our pockets. But we all know Hell has a spot picked out just for you, a nice big chair with the real people from Hostel ready to have some fun with your soul for eternity. So keep up the good work, and ENJOY!

Remembering the Dead

Posted by Bieltan on October 13, 2007
Posted in: Stories. Tagged: . Leave a Comment

I can’t speak for everyone, but almost everyone has lost at least 1 person close to them during their life time. A percentage of that dead population died because of a car crash. I have and it in one word it “Sucked”. These sad and terrible deaths cause turmoil within many people. Some deal with it with anger, some through alcohol, others deal with it with erecting a memorial at the site of the crash. Now here is where this rant begins.

Now imagine you just had a great day, you got a promotion at your job, your girlfriend gave you road head, or Christ you found a penny on the ground, doesn’t matter. But you’re driving down the road smiling….then you see this memorial. Now you’re forced for a fraction of a second to feel bad and your good day is out the fuckin window. Motha fucka, seriously, do I have to feel bad for your loss? No! Take that shit and keep it at home and cry yourself to sleep every time you see it. If your point was to have people slow down or not drink and drive, put up a “Retarded Children Ahead” sign, or join the “lets cry about my dead relative” club. Or maybe go to the CEMETERY and cry, not the side of the road. Don’t try and force others to feel bad with you. We don’t care!

A DWI and You…

Posted by Bieltan on September 28, 2007
Posted in: Stories. Tagged: , . Leave a Comment

DWI: “driving while intoxicated”

I experienced receiving a DWI first hand. I made the choice to get fucked up one night and made the 2 mile drive back to my house. Then as i decided to “peal out” in my Ford Escort Red Wagon, Deputy Droopalong decided to investigate. 6 months and $13k later I received a nice stamp on my record saying you fucked up.

Now my gripe isn’t with me fucking up, or with Deputy Droopalong (although some days i so wish i could drop kick him in the nuts), but with the “informative session” I had to take during the 6 months. it was not the 6 week class (which was really informative btw) but the 1 session where 4 speakers get up on stage and cried about there dead relatives.

Its terrible they lost someone, but each speaker decided to take a spin on there talk. They blamed everyone in the room for being the direct result for there deaths. Are you kidding me?? Ever hear of natural selection, or maybe when your fucking time comes its time to go?? Don’t sit there blaming me for your husbands horrible death. I was lucky i didn’t kill anyone, but if i died, or i killed someone. That’s fucking LIFE. All of you politically correct fucks who do not want to offend anyone are infecting the daily life of everyone else by blaming everyone else but the person who just so happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Don’t get me wrong, a person whose drunk driving should do jail time. You do something wrong, you should get punished. But life sucks, deal with it and dont blame the rest of us for your misfortune.

Can’t Unite Nigeria Today

Posted by Bieltan on August 13, 2007
Posted in: General Humor. Tagged: , . Leave a Comment

This blog has nothing to do with Nigeria, but more with the theme of this blog…This post is for you emofags.

“Life”, according to Dictionary.com (hopefully these fuck sticks aren’t giving ignorant fucks such as myself bad information or I’m in a world of trouble) life has many variations of its definition. You can read them all if you like, but I’m referring to definition variation number five: “the general or universal condition of human existence: Too bad, but life is like that”. Too bad, but life is like that…a term (or variation) we use a lot but many (specifically emofags) do not believe it or even understand it. The buildup of a specific event leaves you down and sad, so you cry and write a song hoping to cope with the pain and maybe things will change or get better. Wrong again motha sucka. Leonardo Da Vinci once said “Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. You do more of what works. If it works big, others quickly copy it. Then you do something else. The trick is the doing something else.” (Listen up emofags) Most fails, yes your gonna fail at life. You might have pants eight times too small and make shitty music, but it won’t make anything get better. It’s an angry world where you will die in one day (the kicker I love that part). So if you’re gonna wine and moan about sheeeeeet happening around you, take the plunge! Golden Gate Bridge is a great place to jump from, and has some great sites too while your falling. Or you can change your day to day patterns of having your balls rammed into your asshole because you’re wearing your 8 year old sister’s jeans. Tell someone to “Fuck off” instead of hiding in a corner feeling sorry for yourself. It’s ok, there are plenty of others out there or opportunities to be had. Not to many die these days from sound. So don’t miss out on something potentially great or anything remotely entertaining because you were contemplating cutting your wrist with a fucking butter knife.

Fuck you, fuck you, your cool, fuck you. I’m out!