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Shame on you Angry Chinese Driver

Posted by Douche Nozzle on February 2, 2008
Posted in: Motorism. Tagged: , , , , , . 1 comment

We, the editors of Angry Romanian, are horrified by the actions of our former friend at Angry Chinese Driver. Recently that twisted asshole found it necessary to release the personal information of a woman who was involved in an automobile accident with his mother. He irresponsibly posted this poor woman’s sensitive information on his website. How dare he subject Ms. Jing Ye, who lives at 174 Stave Cres., Richmond Hill, Ontario, L4C 0S8, phone number (905)237-4888, driver’s license number Y2001 40207 45729, who drives a 2002 beige Honda Civic LX 4-door, license plate ANSP 868, insured by Unifund Assurance Johnson Inc. under policy number A087AB0428 to such indignities.

Please join us in boycotting Angry Chinese Driver for abusing Ms. Jing Ye who lives at 174 Stave Cres., Richmond Hill, Ontario, L4C 0S8, phone number (905)237-4888, driver’s license number Y2001 40207 45729, who drives a 2002 beige Honda Civic LX 4-door, license plate ANSP 868, insured by Unifund Assurance Johnson Inc. under policy number A087AB0428.

Damn you Angry Chinese Driver. Damn you.

Anyone who would like to send words of support to Ms. Jing Ye are encouraged to phone (905)237-4888, or if you’d like to send a sympathy card please forward it to 174 Stave Cres., Richmond Hill, Ontario, L4C 0S8.

If you are still in doubt as to how truly disgusting the article by Angry Chinese Driver is, hold your nose and click here.

Additionally, I hereby deem it acceptable to add Angry Chinese Driver to your Celebrity Death Pool lists. Karma is a bitch my Canadian friend.

Announcing the Angry Romanian Celebrity Death Pool

Posted by Douche Nozzle on January 2, 2008
Posted in: Celebrity Death Pool. Tagged: . 2 comments

UPDATE: The Celebrity Death Pool has been suspended until further notice.

We here at Angry Romanian World Headquarters are pleased to announce the launch of our first annual Celebrity Death Pool. If you don’t know what a celebrity death pool is read on, you’ll get it by the end. Most death pools run from January 1 through December 31, but we have decided to be contrary and track ours from March 1, 2008 through February 28, 2009. The Angry Romanian death pool is similar to many of the death pools out there, but with some twists. Here are the basic guidelines:

Pick 12 celebrities – you can choose them anyway you like…celebrities you think will die – celebrities you hope will die (pick your 12 Yankees wisely) – or random celebrities. You earn points when one of your celebrities dies within the contest period.

There are several ways to earn points -

If a celebrity on your list dies during the contest you will earn points based on the following equation – (100-celebrities age). Example – If Mike Tyson were to die March 23rd at the age of 41 you will be awarded 59 points. So – picking the Pope might sound fun but remember he would only be worth 19 or 20 points. (Depending if he died before of after his birthday) However, picking Suri Cruise could be a jackpot as the toddler would earn 97 or 98 points.

Bonus points will be awarded for the following (in addition to the points you have earned for the death):

  • 10pts. If your celebrity dies in any way other than under natural circumstances
  • 25pts. If your celebrity is murdered
  • 25pts. If your celebrity kills someone (25pts. per each)
  • 50pts. If your celebrity is murdered by another celebrity
  • 50pts. If your celebrity kills another celebrity
  • 50pts. If your celebrity is African American and dies in February (irony, not racism folks)
  • 50pts. If your celebrity is a sports figure that dies competing in their sport
  • 50pts. If your celebrity pratices Scientology
  • 50pts. If your celebrity dies on their birthday or wedding anniversary
  • 100pts. If you celebrity is killed by O.J. Simpson. (does not count if O.J. is on your list and he commits suicide)
  • All points are doubled if multiple celebrities on your list die in the same incident. (ex: Yankee’s charter plane erupts in ball of flame)

The player with the most points at the end of the year will win an Angry Romanian prize pack that will include a hooded sweatshirt, bumper stickers, and other nifty swag. Unlike most death pools out there, this one is free. (which actually makes the name death pool, as in pooling money to pay out prizes, somewhat inaccurate) An Angry Romanian T-shirt will also be awarded to the list we find to be the meanest/funniest. (this is totally subjective)

All you need to do is send an email with your name and a list of your 12 celebrities to deathpool[at]angryromanian[dot]com. I will assume the email address used to send your list is how I should contact you, unless otherwise stated in the email.

I will set up a special page tracking submissions, standings, etc… as soon as the lists start rolling in.

You have nothing to lose – so get your list in today. I will take submissions throughout the contest period, but common sense would suggest having your list in by March 1st.

Finally, there are some basic rules:
1. Celebrities on your list must be well known enough to have an obituary in a major newspaper, famous in their own right, and famous for something other than dying. The following would not meet the criteria: Death Row inmates, people who became famous by dying, and local “celebrities”. (don’t include your local weatherman, no matter how much you may want him to die)
2. It is entirely at the discretion of the staff at Angry Romanian to accept or deny submissions. No arguing or whining. There are a number of reasons a name may be rejected, and I don’t feel like trying to name them all here. Players will be notified of rejected names and why, and will be given an opportunity to choose a substitute at that time.

Happy New Year!! How’s your head??

Posted by Douche Nozzle on January 1, 2008
Posted in: Photos. Tagged: . Leave a Comment

Happy New Year and all that shit. I’ll be brief today, since I’m not a big fan of typing when my head is pounding, there is vomit running down my stairs, my car is in my neighbors back yard, some chick with hairy armpits is curled into the fetal position in the closet, and my camcorder is still running. But I will say you all can expect big things from Angry Romanian this year. Look for contests, chances to get free swag, original videos, and, of course, the rants, raves, and musings of the pricks that write for this page. So once again, best wishes in the New Year. I’ve got to go now and make sure the girl in the closet is alive, right after I check out what’s on the tape from last night.

Newburgh, New York – A Taste of Compton on the Hudson

Posted by Douche Nozzle on December 12, 2007
Posted in: Stories. Tagged: , , . 5 comments

I recently had the misfortune of visiting Newburgh, New York. What a shit hole! There is only one thing worse than a day in Newburgh – and that is a night. Newburgh’s main claim to fame is that it lies across the river from a train station serving the Hudson river line. This train station was the reason I was in town. Beiltan and I were on the way to New York to kill a few hookers (and watch a Mets game) and decided to park the car in Newburgh and take the train into NYC. Big mistake.
We arrived in the hotel district only to realize it was nothing but a bunch of sleazy motels located up a hill, out of the view of the road, law enforcement, and God’s watchful eye. All these motels had names designed to fool unsuspecting googlers into thinking they were chains. There was the Best Westerner, Ramadan, Supurb 8, and the Hamper Inn, where we stayed. After convincing the fine proprietor we actually wanted to stay more than an hour or two we headed into town to check out the nightlife.
The main drag in Newburgh looks like fucking Beiruit, except I’d be willing to bet there are fewer drug dealers in all of Lebanon than were standing outside the Kennedy Fried Chicken. That’s right Kennedy Fried Chicken – Colonel Sanders decided Newburgh was a tad bit too hardcore for one of his quality establishments. We promptly got our lily white asses the fuck out of dodge and headed for the highly acclaimed “waterfront” entertainment district.
This turned out to be a rather large 80′s throwback nightclub/bar populated with throwback 80′s white trash. To be honest we didn’t actually go inside. We did the math in the parking lot. There were at least a dozen Corvettes and an equal number of Camaros, not to mention a bunch of balding, middle-aged, coke heads, rokken like Dokken in their shitty American “sports” cars. Again we got the fuck out of dodge and headed across the river to the bustling metropolis of Beacon.
Guess what – calling a town as dull as Beacon a name like Beacon should be against the law. For the record – Beacon is not a small town. According to Wikipedia, 16.000 listless souls live there. Get this – there are officially two – that’s right – two bars in a town of 16,000. And trust me – you do not want to go into either of them. The first bar was about as friendly as a truckfull of KKKers at the Million Man march. The second bar was worse – so, for the third time that night, we got the fuck out of Dodge.
Fortunately, the third time was the charm and we stumbled across a wonderful place called New Paltz, where there is a State College. And where there is smoke there is fire. No self respecting college town lacks the requisite bar district where there are sloppy drunk co-eds and cheap assed drinks. Needless to say we had a good time. The only drawback was that we had to go back to the gangsta paradise of Newburgh.
Although the motel parking lot was a veritable strip outlet mall of pot, pills, and puntang, we managed to get a few hours of sleep, get on the train, and for the fourth and final time – get the fuck out of Dodge – never to return.

An Open Letter to the State Of Wyoming

Posted by Douche Nozzle on December 3, 2007
Posted in: Politics. Tagged: , . 1 comment

Fuck you Wyoming!!
As angryromanian.com approaches it’s first anniversary, not a single visit has originated from Wyoming.
WTF!!??
Every other state in the union has had the common sense to take a stroll through our tasteful memoir. Who could possibly resist timely essays on strippers, homicidal worms, juicy assed teenagers, and wacky Vietnam veterans dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool in public places?
After extensive research (4 minutes on Wikipedia) I was able to put certain theories, as to why Wyomingites have avoided out site, to rest.

I have discovered:

  • There are people in Wyoming – 515,004 of them, almost enough people to populate Manhattan below 23rd street.
  • There is internet connectivity in Wyoming – In fact, high speed internet providers offer service to most of Wyoming.
  • There are literate people in Wyoming – Actually, 99% of Wyomingites are literate enough to read the witty repartee available at angryromanian.com.

So what’s the deal Wyoming? I don’t want to hear any lame assed excuses.

Consider this:

  • 87 Frenchmen took a moment from their busy schedules of ridiculing American tourists and endurring Islamic riots to visit angryromanian.com. – No visits from Wyoming though.
  • 3 Saudi Arabians risked life and limb to view the site, despite the dangers of surfing American websites within the boarders of a strict Islamic theocracy that punishes women that are gang raped- Still, no brokeback Wyoming cowboys bothered to visit.
  • 1 person in Ghana, where the average citizen earns $274 a year, took the time out of his/her squalid life to get a chuckle out of our site. – No one is boomtown Casper (population 49664) could take a moment out of their exciting day of watching tumbleweed blow down Main Street to give us a look.
  • 4 Taiwanese visited Angryromanian despite 2 billion pissed off Chinese breathing down their necks on a daily basis. – No angry Chinese in Wyoming, just angry Republicans. Still, no traffic.
  • 37 Mississippians came to the site, and nobody can fucking read in that (red)neck of the woods. – In my opinion this must mean the good folks of Mississippi are a hell of a lot smarter than you fucks in Wyoming.

And so, Wyoming, let it be known that we here at angryromanian.com are at war with you!! Don’t expect any mercy. We will strike when you least expect. We will come at you from land, sea (yes I know Wyoming is landlocked), and air. Shock and awe motherfuckers!!!! Watch your asses!!!!!

P.S. (for anyone reading this at the Department of Homeland Security or at the NSA – This is just a joke – get it? – Hahaha – Please don’t send us to Guantanamo. I repeat – this is only a joke – we are all white and gainfully employed so please understand this is just a joke. There is no jihad on Wyoming.(but they do suck) ?

Clap if You’ve Banged this Whore Before

Posted by Douche Nozzle on November 13, 2007
Posted in: Health, News. Tagged: , . Leave a Comment

The CDC announced today that STDs among Americans are increasing at alarming rates, led by chlamydia. Nearly 1,031,000 cases of the clap were reported last year, up from 976,000 the year before. This number eclipsed the 1,013,436 cases reported in 1978. 19 – fucking – 78. The late 70′s were a church ladies nightmare!!! HIV hadn’t reared it’s ugly head yet and fashion was so god-awful repulsive that people couldn’t wait to get out of their hip-huggers and liesure suits to fuck.

Gonorrhea and syphilis rates have also risen significantly. Health officials are baffled by the sudden rise and offer no concrete solution to combat this precarious rise in STDs. But we here at Angry Romanian World Headquarters have a sure “shot” solution. Lets start an ad campaign promoting porn style sexual encounters. We’ll call the campaign “Give her the money shot tonight, and avoid the penicillin shot tomorrow” or, “One in the eye means she’s safe for the next guy!”. If you have any other slogan suggestions please pass them along.

Peace(sucks)

D.N.

Put your Fucking Hand Down and Shut the Fuck Up!!!!

Posted by Douche Nozzle on October 4, 2007
Posted in: Education. Tagged: , . Leave a Comment

If you have ever taken a night class, or even worse a Saturday class, you will know exactly why I have taken time out of my life to write this rant. There is nothing more annoying than a “continuing education” college student. A continuing education student is one who is not of typical college age, or in other words – OLD! For some reason or another they did not complete their degree when they were in their 20′s. There are an infinite number of reasons for this – but typically it has to do with a prison stint or the popping out of a few crack babies – or both.
But I digress – the point is not what got them where they are – but how they handle it. The last thing I want to do in class is listen to the fucking life story of some forty-something, trailer-trash bitch that has decided on a mid-life career change from crack-whore to college educated crack-whore. They always find a way to manipulate the lecture to their advantage. If the topic is the Reign of Queen Mary of Scotts – her hand shoots up immediately to discuss her ex-boyfriend Scott who currently resides at Attica for playing hide the sausage with a middle school girl. If the lecture is on Jim Crow she will tell you that that motherfucker Jim still owes her ten bucks. You may think these examples are exaggerations – which they are – but what you are about to read is a real story.
On the first day of an evening 100 level history class the beleaguered professor spent a solid half an hour explaining to a woman that yes he was a doctor but no he did not work at the hospital during the day. She thought a PHD was a competitor of KFC.
The only thing worse than having one or more of these people in your classes is being forced to do group work with them – or even worse – being forced to peer edit one of their papers. I was once forced to read “Betty’s” paper on the nuclear attacks on Nagasaki and Hiroshima. In addition to the poor grammar and apparent lack of any sort of spell check option on her Commodore 64, she referred to the people of Japan repeatedly as “Japs“. I pointed out that this might be taken as a bit racist. Betty took this critique in stride – she looked my straight in the eye and said – with not even a slight hint of humor – “well I didn’t think it would be right to call the little bastards Chinks.” I told her she was absolutely right – Chinks would be inappropriate – I told her to go with Zipperhead instead.